Yup.

YUP.





This picture is a pretty accurate depiction of how I feel today.

I went to a BBQ yesterday evening. I showed up late because Brooks was sleeping and left early because Brooks got tired. I learned a new lesson, be home BEFORE Brooks gets tired. A baby like Brooks thrives and survives on consistency. So leaving at 8:30 instead of 8 was a mistake that I've been paying the price for all day. I bet I will be paying the price ALL week.

Preface to the above comment: I no longer take Brooks out with me to run errands (I no longer run errands). Not even to the library to pick up books on hold (total of 10 minutes). Not to the store (total 30 minutes). No where. And not because I have a 2 door car, which makes it super fun to get him in and out. But because he HATES when I take him anywhere, I don't know if it's the car seat or just being somewhere besides home. But he just cries. Cries. CRIES. Okay, I could probably manage running to pick up books at the library but anymore than 10 minutes and he... imagine that, CRIES! I guess I should be more accurate, it's not crying. It's whining and fussing which is almost worse (actually it is worse) than crying.

Bottom line: I've decided it isn't worth leaving the house or going anywhere anymore. I've gone out ONCE since he was born. Dinner and a movie, home early of course to tuck him in... because of course, he wouldn't let anyone else do it for a short while. I don't know how to talk to anyone anymore, I don't know how to be a normal person. I know motherhood consumes your thoughts and actions, basically your whole life. But motherhood is swallowing my whole, I guess I asked for it though. That's exactly how I wanted it! I got EXACTLY what I was asking for, and now I'm wondering what the crap I was thinking.

Brooks is now 14 pounds and 25.5 inches long. So his swing, which he sleeps in for naps and bedtime... Which I change batteries in every week or two (4 D's) $$$ ka-ching... is not quite as big as it once was. He can just about roll out of it, and of course, he doesn't let me strap him in. Or, guess what!!! He cries!!! Don't get me wrong, Brooks is a pretty dang happy baby these days. UNLESS you don't do EXACTLY what he wants, EXACTLY when he wants it. 5 minutes late and you're in for it, ALL day long. Depending on the severity or tardiness of my mistake I could be paying the price ALL week sometimes.

The pediatrician wasn't kidding when he described Brooks as HIGH MAINTENANCE.

I've tried to put Brooks in his crib numerous times and obviously it isn't successful, EVER. I have every single book about infant sleep on hold to pick up at the library. However, I'm starting to believe that the tips and trick in all these books don't work unless you do them from day one. I'm on day 130 somethingish and I'd say it's a bit too late for some of the things they suggest, actually a lot of the things they suggest.

It's decided, I will be spending every moment that I'm not in class at home with Brooks or with Brooks doing something VERY short in length of time. I'm done with classes in 3 or 4 weeks and I have the rest of Summer to do anything I'd like. HAHA yeah right, I will be spending that time TRYING to ATTEMPT to get Brooks to sleep in his crib and it would be a living miracle if he went to sleep on his own someday.

Answer me this: How many babies can you cuddle or wrap up, give them a binky and they will go to sleep? Like Cole, put the kid in his car seat with a blanket and a binky and he goes to sleep... no crying most of the time, you dont' even have to rock the car seat. Don't most babies do this? Brooks? HAHA that's the most funny thing I've ever thought of. Perfect example why it's so funny... Today, Brooks woke up at 8 something so I took him to church with me and by 9:30-9:45 he was tired. Attempted until 12:30, yes 12:30, to get him to sleep in every way possible. Of course he wouldn't go to sleep though because we were at church and he won't sleep ANYWHERE EXCEPT his swing!!! I've only been able to get him to fall asleep in it a handful of times without it running, and that's only because he was already DEAD asleep.

I give up. I think I've tried just about everything. I've lost my mind. I've lost my "normalcy". Can't you tell? I've rambled and complained for how long in this post. Forgive me, like I said, I've lost my mind.

:)